We previously explored the negative effects that monster managers have on even the most passionate of employees. However, having a monster manager does not relegate you to a miserable work life, even if you choose to stay and endure rather than looking for other employment. The key to making the most of your time under a monster manager is to develop and strengthen your emotional intelligence (EQ).
In fact, a study by TalentSmart found that one of the things 90% of top business performers have in common is a high EQ. Meaning they have mastered the art of controlling their emotions. In particular, learning how to not take things personally. This is an amazing statistic considering therapist Marty Nemko Ph. D. in Psychology Today suggests that taking offense has become an epidemic spreading faster than Ebola.
Hypersensitivity and claiming victim-hood has become such a popular trait that is almost considered a virtue these days. With victim-hood trending right now, it’s no wonder so many employees are dissatisfied with the workplace. But how do you break out of the victim-hood mentality, especially if you have a monster manager that would rightly justify your victim-hood status?
It’s fairly simple (but not easy). The answer is: choose not to take offense!
To help visualize the concept of not taking offense, I’d like you to imagine that the offensive words of a monster manager were a ten pound weight:
“Good job on the report, but did you have to format it so poorly?” the monster manager says to you, pushing the ten pound weight into your stomach. She seems to hold no respect for you. You want to throw it right back at her. So you say, “That was rude, you know there’s a better way to say that”; and now the weight is back in her hands, but the cycle may continue back and forth, you are no better than the monster manager herself.
Maybe you’re more passive and you choose to wear that weight around your neck as a sign of victim-hood. You walk over to a co-worker’s cubicle, eyes to the floor as the weight of ten pounds pulls on your neck. “Look at what that monster manager said to me, can you believe it?” You may even be carrying multiple weights you’ve collected from her and others on your road to victim-hood.
But neither of these scenarios is appropriate, or productive to your growth as a passionate and successful employee.
Now, imagine the original scenario with an attitude of someone who has a high emotional intelligence:
When that weight is shoved at you, instead of shoving in back or hanging it around your neck for all to see, you choose to examine those words thoughtfully.
As you transfer that ten pound weight from one hand to the other you may think, “That was rude of her, but was there any truth in her words? Could I have done a better job at formatting that report? Maybe I should ask Mark to look it over and give me some feedback; he has a real knack for writing reports.” As you examine the ten pound weight you are strengthening your emotional intelligence muscles in the same way lifting weights strengthens your physical muscles.
With practice, choosing not to take offense becomes second nature and not difficult at all. And when you’re done with your examination of the words, you can put that weight down and be done with it.
Because you chose to focus on the words themselves, and not the poor tone in which they were said, you have created a way to better yourself in spite of working under monster management conditions. This is why those with high EQ are so successful. Successful people make the choice to not let anything or anyone get in the way of their betterment of themselves. Passionate employees see monster managers, not as road blocks, but as stepping stones that they can hone their emotional intelligence and communication skills on with each interaction.
So, the next time something sounds offensive to you, take a breath, and try to analyze it without the initial emotions attached. You may find you’re stronger and have a higher emotional intelligence than you realize.
